about two years ago,exactly on the 31 of january 2008,i met this guy in a cyber café..he was trying to have a talk with me..i told him straight that i live and work very far away from there and that it won't work what he had in mind then..but he insisted.he was charming,kind and seemed very decent to me.
our relationship started inspite of all the crazy obstacles.my work,the distance,his joblessness..
i was on the clouds everytime i manage to visit him.we laughed and traveled and did very nice things together that i don't think i'll forget very soon.
i met hs family,they met mine.we made it clear that we want to spend our life together.
thank to god,he did find a very dcent job last year.i was happy and jumping from joy,like a little kid finally getting his gift.
last summer was the turning point.logically i was waiting for him to propose,but he didn't.and my vacations were about to end,so i asked him if there is any problem.he said no,but when he met all together,me,him and his family,a huge problem appeared.his family expcted me to live with them in their house.when i refused,though did it very kindly and explaining that i work away,so when i'll be back i can't stay with them,i put the veil and all his family is full of guys.
anyway,i kept going back to them and trying to make them see my point but in vain.the sad thing is that i never noticed how silent he was and with no voice to project inside his family.
the pressure kept killing me,and my vacation were ending,so i left and askedhim to think.but he ddn't,he instead went to meet other girls and live this superficial way of living that he admires.
...three months passed,and here he comes to me again..classic hein?!he cried and cried,and asked for forgiveness..only forgiveness,cuz he still can't offer anything(of what he promissed to me before);i couldn't see his point..or i saw it and couldn't believe.he actually wanted a piece for his own mind and never really cared abt me.
we went apart again,i begged him to think deeply and fast,cuz i really didn't want to lose this love i have for him.but one week passed,and then an other,and i couldn't believe it.he didn't give a life sign even.
(God i'm crying again)
tonight,i phoned him,to asked him for the last time if he loved me,really.he answered and stupidly said "yes,i did",i asked him if he can live without me then,he said "there is nothing i can do";there i started crying and crying and telling him just to explain to me how on earth can sombody love someone and cause him that much pain.how can he allow himself to use me and abuse,and have the guts to leave me down as simple as he did..then,he strted crying as a baby.
i don't get it.i asked him,"why are you crying?";he said that all he needs is my forgiveness!!!!!big stabb again,"he needs his peace of mind and the hell with me after that"!!
i told him that i can't and never will.it's too much for me and too beyond my reach!!and hang up my phone...
i'm in so much pain,but worse in so much anger..i want to slap him,shout at him,tear up his clothes by my own fingers..i won't this anger out of me..
if you can help by any advice,even by a simple word,please write to me..