Not Proud Of Who I Am

Un journal de Journal Intime.com

Archive du journal au 11/10/2018.

Sommaire

Routine, nothing special (The 24/02/2014)

24 février 2014 à 23h58

Nothing Special. Just Daily Routine; waking up late, having breakfast, pretending to do my homework.
Ah, God ! Another day wasted. I'm in the second year baccalaureate, Mathematics Sciences. I'm supposed to work hard but I'm not. And I don't know why. I'm always lazy.
I keep dreaming all the day and, at the end of it, I realize that I haven't done anything. And you know what I do about it. Nothing but complaining about it and I promise to work hard the day after. But shit doesn't work. I repeat the same thing over and over : wasting my day doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don't even go out with my friends and have good moments with them. Oh, wait ! I don't have friends; I'm alone in life and mean, exactly as Taylor swift said it once.
My life is miserable. Here I am sharing that out loud. But, it's not the purpose of this diary. Well, partially. I hope that this diary will help me improving my English skills. Actually, I was once, pretty good at English, but I lost that. I don't even know why. All I know is that once a upon in time I used to have everything, except friends of course. But now, I've lost everything. I used to be good, even excellent at school, but not anymore. And I'm not self-confident anymore. Which is bad, awful and sad. Going from the Top to the bottom is hard to experience. Trust me, you won't now how hard and harsh and painful it is until you live it. Honestly, I don't wish that for my evil enemy.
Good night readers, If their is some.

A wake up call ! (The 25/02/2014)

25 février 2014 à 23h32

Well, the title says it all. Another day of doing nothing. Another day wasted in my unworthy life. I've done nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean it.
I spend the day dreaming and thinking about my crush all the morning. Thinking that probably, one day, he's going to notice that I exist. Which is not gonna happen ! My crush is 5 years older than me. He's a good student who made it and succeeded. Which is not my case. I'm a lazy ambitious girl, while he is a hardworking ambitious boy. AT least we've something in common : Ambition.
I spent the evening at the beach with my family. No swimming, just catching cold. Then, I came back home and watch that film called "Eat Pray Love". The heroine was trying to find herself. Just like me. She traveled in order to achieve her goal while I decided to start an online diary. It's kind of the same thing, since writing is traveling but only in your mind. They can be both remedies. But honesty, I think that Liz, the heroine, was more like trying to find her inner bitch, instead of her inner self. What i mean is that finding one's identity doesn't need to sleep with several guys from different countries. Anyway, who am I to judge her ? She made her choices and she's responsible for that.
In fact, that movie made me think about something else more important in life ; how much are we close from GOD ? Actually, recently, I stopped praying. I don't know when or why it happened. I can't remember. And honestly, I don't won't to. All, I'm thinking of right now is that I have to get back to my prier other ways GOD won't help me succeed. Anyway, I can't do it right now, or tomorrow because I'm on my period. But, I'll make sure this time that after having my shower I'll pray and ask GOD to forgive me because I'm no longer close to him. Please GOD, forgive me for being that selfish, and for everything that I've done wrong in the past. Please GOD !
Good night deer reader. Is there anyone ?

Bought new clothes (26/02/2014)

26 février 2014 à 23h43

Another day wasted. As usual ! Seriously, the national exam is in like two months and I'm not ready yet. In fact, I'm not ready at all. Oh GOD ! Please, help me deer lord. The problem is that shit is getting worst and worst. I mean, yesterday and the day before I've, at least, studied English. But today, I' haven't studied anything, anything at all. All I did is watching TV : Doctor House, The Rebound, The Cake BOSS. Then, in the afternoon, I went out with my family and bought some clothes : brown pants and a vintage brown top. I actually can't wait to put them. I just need the perfect head-scarf. Then it's all gonna be covered.
Now, I'm half-talking to a girl that I've founded once on the flux on Ask.fm. Weird ! Yes, I know ! It makes me look like a freak which I'm not by the way.
Well, good night deer readers, imaginary readers. ;p

Laziness (The 27/02/2014)

27 février 2014 à 16h57

Routine, nothing special !

Again. Wasting my day, doing nothing ! It's not the evening yet, but since, I'll be wireless at 18:00 p.m , I have to write down my diary now. Well, as always nothing special. I'm by self right now. My family went out to get some clothes for my sister, if she felt like it. It turns out that she doesn't care anymore about clothes and she's more into books. Well, she has always been into books, but she cared about the way she looks like, in parallel. Oh ! And, she made that pledge ; she won't buy any clothes until 2014 ends. So weird ! I mean she's almost 15. It must be the opposite. Well, she has always been special in her own way and she has always made good decisions, so who am I to judge a successful teenager girl.

I found that book I always want to read : Love in between.

Concerning my studies, I haven't prepared for anything, anything at all. As always. It turns out that I'm lazier than thought I was. That's all for today. I hope readers that your day was better than mine. And what I really hope is to have readers, besides the world peace. :p

Coincidence, I don't think so ! (The 28/02/2014)

1 mars 2014 à 21h16

Hello, dear online diary ... and readers.
Sorry, I couldn't write down my silly life routine yesterday because I've arrived late to my shitty hometown. And all I could do is join my Physics extra-hours. As usual, I didn't get shit from the lesson. I really tried hard, but eventually I couldn't. So sad ! Well, the day before yesterday, I had this crazy dream about a friend of my mother beating me, so I told my parents about it. A couple hours after telling them, they went out to a super-market to look for few things they needed before we go back to our hometown. By accident, my father founded an Oneiromancy. He tried to explain what the dream was about and he founded an explanation that exactly describes me, my recent attitudes and behaviors. I kept denying the fact that it was absolutely my case, but deep inside of me, I knew it was me, it was all about me.The explanation says that I am a negative person who complains about almost everything in my life, and that I should stop it and take the opportunities, so my life can have a meaning. So, you judge, if it fits me or not. I know that you know me for 5 days. But, obviously, you've noticed that I'm a negative complaining person.
Well, that's all what happened during the 24 hours I survived yesterday.
Take care. and check my today's diary. :)

I'm done with all your bullshit, sister. (The 01/03/2014)

1 mars 2014 à 21h57

Today, I woke up already to attend my Physics extra-hours. Well, AGAIN, I tried hard to get what the teacher says, but eventually, I couldn't. While waiting for my dad to pick me. I've heard the girl I hate the most, talking about a program that she applied for. I couldn't control my anger. I mean, she's just a non-worthy teenager, that can't even control her body parts. How can she get all that ! When, I came back home, I've told my sister about that. Ans her chocking answer was : " Don't try to make me a better version of you ". I couldn't control my anger. So, I went directly to my parents and told that my sister has been escaping classes. They were chocked, like really chocked. My mother, didn't know what to do. Ans she started beating her until blood came out from her head. I really wanted to help her, but I didn't because she deserve that. Yes, she actually do deserve been beating and treated like that ! Every time, someone tries to help her, she keep pushing him away and treating him in way like if he owns her. Well, I'm not your made, honey. I'm not your made ! So you better find someone that can have your back from now on, because I'm so not your sister anymore. No, I'm not. You are dead to me. And, I'm tired of all your bullshit. Sorry, but you weren't a nice person to me either.
Besides that, I found the perfect head-scarf for my brown new outfit.
That's all for today. A lot of Drama. Good night readers.